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db51
3963 Posts |
 Posted - 10/30/2009 : 1:54:12 PM
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Compiled by Farm Journal’s Sara Schafer and Pam Smith
Yep, those drops you were heard when you woke up was not your coffee brewing – more rain.
With the constant, sporadic and down-right gloomy weather many farmers are experiencing across farm country, we here at Farm Journal thought you could use a to-do list for these rainy days.
db51: Let's Go Through Sara and Pam's List.....My comments in parenthesis)
Here you go:
1.Drink a beer or two
(Is that all?)
2.Carve a pumpkin
(You've got to be kidding, right?)
3.Fix the tail lights on trailers and wagons
(What,, they're supposed to have lights?)
4.Rest up from the last four days of 24/7 combining
(She couldn't be referring to my operation as it was spent in the John Deere shop on the broken down Green POS.)
5.Shop for next year’s corn hybrids and soybean varieties
(How Much Did Monsanto Pay you for that plug?)
6.Clean all the candy wrappers out of the combine cab
(Wrappers? I buy mine in bulk)
7.Brush up on your marketing knowledge
(Marketing??? What's that?)
8.Submit your current crop and weather conditions to CropComments@agweb.com.
(Ok, in two word, THEY SUCK)
9.Go to the elevator for free coffee and donuts
(I've never seen a FREE donut, or any other kind at my elevator, and if there was, you could rest assured the cost would be recouped through raising your FM or by fudging the moisture meter.)
10.Winterize your shop, vehicles and machinery
(My shop winterizes itself since I have no heat)
11.Get a jumpstart on your Christmas shopping especially for your spouse.
(We're in a Recession - Can you say Re-Gift?) 
12.Look for any important receipts or invoices under your truck seat or stuffed in the visor.
(What? That stuff makes for excellent fuel in case of a vehicle fire - Leave it alone)
13.Submit a photo of your tractor to Your Favorite Tractor
(Oh Boy....I'm going to get my camera NOW!)
14.Check the weather radar for the 12th time to see when the next clear day will be.
(Who cares at this point)
15.Plan your winter vacation
(I've already booked 4 weeks in January in my Combine Cab)
16.Challenge a neighboring farmer to a computer Solitaire marathon.
(Really, where do you come up with these ideas?? Around a bong?)
I notice the AgWeb Men's Daily Exercise Routine is absent from the list. hmmmm....must have been an oversight. I'm sure my fellow AgWebbers could help you compile a list of activities that would mirror reality.
I'm going to call ECI and see if I can set up a round of Computer Solitaire with him this weekend. He's surely unable to hand sample in the rain and I'm sure it would take his mind off his corn dryer from he11. |
Edited by - db51 on 10/30/2009 10:19:13 PM
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Dave in MidMO
3024 Posts |
Posted - 10/30/2009 : 2:03:32 PM
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This is great....LMAO! |
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dennis1
1244 Posts |
Posted - 10/30/2009 : 2:14:12 PM
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But NOT one plug about db51's super lube?
This weather has caused some rust to form--
35940001---3 musketeers? |
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Faust100F
4960 Posts |
Posted - 10/30/2009 : 3:16:27 PM
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You have to be kidding me! No doubt about it, we are living in a "kinder gentler time", where "issue" is now used for "problem" and "Soil inverter" is used for "plow". where the "Rodney King syndrome" is running rampant, "can't we all just get along"!
All Sara had to do was tell the truth: Just book us in to the Horsehoe for a week, in Las Vegas, Tunica, or Shreveport, the rest will take care of it self. After a few hours in the bar, you could give a rats a$$ about invoices under a seat, hell, you would not even care if there was a seat, better yet you would not even care if there was a truck.
I know db would want to go see Tom Jones sing his little songs at the MGM Grand, or the gay lion tamers. I might be able to drag him into Coyote Ugly, and he could jump on the bar and show us the Southern Illinois shuffle.
1. Drink a beer to two - Well that is a start, how about a case or two.
2. Carve a pumpkin - I will carve a pumpkin , on your forehead! (Razor was offended by this comment, it was not directed towards anyone). I think Razor needs a rodney king virus shot.
3 Fix all the tail lights on trailers and wagons - the only tail I want to fix the lights will be the gal giving me a lap dance at the bar.
4. Rest up for the last 24/7 of combining - I will be resting up but not from 24/7 combining errrrr maybe that is what they now call it in Central Missouri. I might have to ask my wife if she wants to combine tonight. If I get slapped, I know she has moved on to a kinder gentler time.
5. Shop for next years soybean and corn varieties. Nice four letter word "Shop" , I am going to see if db wants to go shopping with me to buy seed corn. Ummm wonder what "shop" really means?
6. Clean up the combine wrappers out of the combine cab. - What combine cab! Do they make them with cabs! I need to go "shopping" at John Deere more often.
7. Brush up on your marketing knowledge - I am sure I can find someone who knows how to sell things in Vegas that will spend some time with me teaching me the ins and outs of marketing and promoting the product.
8. Submit your weather and crop conditions to . . . never heard of that web site before!
9. Go to the elevator for free coffee and donuts . . . every time I ever went to the elevator they not only got my dough the also got me by the nuts . . . another four letter word "free", must be a new french word, I have never heard it before in an elevator.
10. Winterize your shop, vehicles and machinery - oh! She must mean plug them in over night, there is no shop, we live lean here in the this rural inbred backwater.
11. Get a jump start on your Xmas shopping especially for your spouse. Now I know what she is talking about . . . ummm should I purchase the hemlock or a new John Deere cap for my wife.
12, Look for any important receipts under your truck seat or over the visor. Jesus H. Christ,is that where you are supposed to put them. The only thing under my truck seat is a case of Corona, and over the visor are the compromising photographs of the DOT officers who patrol the highway between my farm and the elevator since i never got a CDL, and my trailer has no current license, marker lights, tail lights or brake lights.
13. Submit a picture of your favorite tractor to Your Tractor. W T F i bet that little punk thought that one up . . . I think I would rather send a picture of my favorite honey bee.
14. Check the weather radar for the 12th time to check when the next clear day will be. Ummmm i just call the weather guru at ISU and ask him what the weather is going to be. If he says warm and dry, I just sleep in the next morning. If he says rain, i start getting "Big Foot" warmed up and ready to go. Big Foot is the name on the side of my combine with the imprint of a big foot on it. The Guys in S. Dakota have a real sense of humor. They name their combines up there.
15,Plan your Winter Vacation . . . yeah! Let see Mexico would be nice, fish ought to be biting, could do some Tarpon fishing where the underground fresh water rivers emerge from the Yucatan South of Cancun . . . who am I kidding . . . I will head for Puerto Valarta, where I was more or less held captive for a week as a guest of the hotel until Barclays in New York wired $100K for a directors meeting that was never paid for by the travel agency I sent money to in KC which ran off with the money. Needless to say the Mexican hospitality at that hotel was great . . . everything was on the house. . . wonder if they still remember me. . . filled a boat full of yellowtail one afternoon down there. Yep! That would be the trip I probably should get lined up; my wife hates Mexico and fishing so she will stay home. . . Party time!!!!!!!!!!
16. Challenge a neighboring farmer to computer solitaire marathon. Now that would be exciting, i think I would get more out of watching paint dry on a kitchen wall. Boy no doubt about it these people from Central Missouri really know how to have fun. I have rally been leading a sheltered life all these years.
Yeah! I agree with db. I think Sara left off the mens Ballet training class, the oil painting classes, the ball room dancing class, and the course that will be taught by Dr. Oz who will enlighten the farmers about why they have rashes after they have a lap dance. Gee this is going to be exciting.
We might be able to franchise Ms. Sara's idea's and sell them to the Muslim world. I would feel guilty depriving the Alzado Bros. of all the fun we will be having as we go through Ms. Sara's check list. Maybe we could all become greeters for Farm Jounal.
Now back the the real world. Adios Amigos! John
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Edited by - Faust100F on 10/30/2009 3:38:56 PM |
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ses
1951 Posts |
Posted - 10/30/2009 : 3:24:15 PM
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| ROTFLMAO!!! Faust that's some of the funniest sh!t I've ever read! Sara will be so proud! |
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razor2
213 Posts |
Posted - 10/30/2009 : 3:29:47 PM
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| "Carve a pumpkin on your forehead"?. What did she ever do to you Faust ? Man, you are one sick puppy. |
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Faust100F
4960 Posts |
Posted - 10/30/2009 : 3:35:10 PM
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| Razor - that was not a reference to Miss Sara, that was a generic comment, not directed towards anyone. You need to get out more often. Adios Amigo. John |
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Iowa55
2392 Posts |
Posted - 10/30/2009 : 3:43:47 PM
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| Well we now have heard from two of the three Webbies that got Sara's love note, I'm sure Verb will be along after he gets done pounding that nail. |
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Faust100F
4960 Posts |
Posted - 10/30/2009 : 4:13:43 PM
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| Iowa -55 Verb is going to be offended that you disclosed he was out pounding his nail.lol. lol. lol. See what I keep saing those four letter words get you in trouble. Adios Amigo. John |
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razor2
213 Posts |
Posted - 10/30/2009 : 4:13:51 PM
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| Generic comment, my ass. She deserves an apology. |
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Faust100F
4960 Posts |
Posted - 10/30/2009 : 4:17:05 PM
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| Razor I do not make apologies, you need a priest. Get over it! Are you sure you are not Sara's little word police punk! Adios Amigo! John |
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razor2
213 Posts |
Posted - 10/30/2009 : 7:11:09 PM
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Faust, I knew there wasn't a chance in hell you would apologize. You're not man enough.
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verbatime
5314 Posts |
Posted - 10/30/2009 : 7:59:59 PM
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I put down some travertine tile from Turkey at a hunting lodge. Pretty worn out. The guy told me it was a 10 x 10 kitchen... yea right. 60 - 18" tile with 35 either cut one side or both and only 25 whole tile. Guy lives in Denver and has a hunting cabin he rents out on the Republican River. I'm not interested in cleaning candy wrappers out of my combine. But, I should get my tractor ready to go cuz it looks like I'll be pushing some snow sometime this year. Woke up to a foot of snow and no electricty this
A.M. |
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cowdog
579 Posts |
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ses
1951 Posts |
Posted - 10/30/2009 : 9:32:36 PM
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quote:
[i]Originally posted by cowdog[/i]
[br]I really enjoy craving pumpkins. It depends on HOW you do it!!!!!
My technique is patterned along the same lines as the Tennessee method.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpJpBWFiqPc&feature=sdig&et=1256837704.5
You "crave" pumpkins??? Like in a Peter,Peter, pumpkin eater" sort of way? This is kinda weird. |
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Faust100F
4960 Posts |
Posted - 10/30/2009 : 9:44:54 PM
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| Razor - you are right! I am not man enough to apologize . . . for statements I do not find offensive. If you do not like it that is your problem not mine. Adios Amigo. John |
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Sara and Pam's Rainy Day To Do Suggestions
